In the past year, I have been brought into contact with some very intelligent people who consider themselves agnostics. For some reason, although I have not pursued much conversation that ranges into the spiritual realm with them, they have with me. Interestingly enough, our conversations are never arguments, only discussions that range over a wide variety of topics-evolution, absolute truth, morality, relativism, the finiteness of humanity, the relevance of prayer, abortion, homosexuality, mysticism, free will, personality as a result of environment, society's role in belief systems, faith, and many other things. (Add biomechanics and dynamics homework in the mix and you get many nights of no sleep and head-splitting brain acrobatics).
I used to think that Christians could just slam people in arguments like these. I mean, if we are "right" and everyone else is "wrong", then what's the problem? Poke holes in their logic, tear them apart, and hand them the shredded remains of their belief system back on a pretty little platter. Bam! Score another convert for Jesus. Holla back!
Except-----I haven't been able to do that. Often it's because I am just not well-versed in the subjects to actually try to have an opinion (such as evolution or the relevance of prayer). But many times, it's because logically, Christianity isn't always hands down more plausible than some other religions. I think as Christians, we make the mistake of assuming that anyone who does not believe in our God and the Bible's importance and hold to things such as reincarnation or the koran are ignorant and not as smart as we are. This just isn't true. There is a place where logic fails when it comes to the Christian defense. At least, there are logic holes that I have not been able to fill. For 5 years, I rejected Christianity because I thought it was stupid. Illogical, irrational, and a joke. And this was not helped by the fact that many Christians I would observe were just ignorant people. They had not thought about what they believed or tried to investigate what was actually true. They accepted a subculture because it was easy, and argued loudly with anyone who was not like them because they felt entitled to state what they thought--even though they hadn't really thought at all.
So for 5 years, I just thought God was a lie. But that is another story for another time. The path I came to God by is beautiful and unique and mine. And long. But that brings me to my thought and whole reason for writing this.
Salvation is not a purely intellectual experience. God is not an entity we just piece together and, when the puzzle pieces all fall into place, we accept it and start following His rules. I feel that Salvation is more akin to a story, because God is a relationship and truth is a Person. That sounds very mystical and general and metephysical, but I feel it's true. The path to Jesus is so beautiful, because it's yours. It's mine. God knew just how to come to me. He knew how far to let me go. He knew what it took to make me see, and He loved me enough to take me there. He realized I couldn't come on pure logic, so He took me where I could go and then came at my heart. God did not come to me and ask me to believe a system. He didn't appeal to me with a stronger argument and poke holes in my logic and tie my hands so I had to admit defeat.
He let me struggle. Question. Exhaust myself in a search for truth. Hit rock bottom. He kept His mouth shut during my accusations and lashing out and rebellion and anger. And when I was beat up, bruised, broken and dying from throwing myself against Him and trying to break Him and everything He was about, He came to me. Picked me up. Held me close. And just let me cry. He let me be. He just loved me, even though I wouldn't love Him back. And when I came with nothing and undeservedly asked Him for everything, He opened the floodgates and I never looked back.
And this is why I can't explain to my agnostic friends why they should accept what I believe. I can't dazzle them with logic and airtight arguments. Because it is almost not even about what I believe. It's about Who I know. To me, Jesus is not a belief system. He's the truth. He's seeing clearly. And I trust He's pursuing them just as hard and intimately as He pursued me.
Praise God. Because if we could logic our way to Him, why would we even need a relationship with Him?
I like that last paragraph. It's not about what I believe, it is Who I know.
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