I just watched two sugar ants butt(hit) heads. This has nothing to do with anything

Ever feel like someone pulled the rug out from under you? Or like you've been had?

 Like all you've wanted for days is a glass of water because you're dying of thirst and when someone finally hands you a drink it has sand in it?

Or maybe like all you've wanted for a long time is to be able to find the last piece to a huge puzzle you've been working on, and when you finally find the only piece that fits the space, you discover it's completely the wrong color or picture. And you can stick it in that place, and it fits fine. 

But it doesn't really fit. 

Disconcerted, and confused. Because you finally got what you were asking for, and it is perfect. Except that it's missing the one thing that would make it the thing. That thing that would fit like a glove, and you'd just know it's what you've been waiting for. So by definition, it's not what you asked for. By definition, it's something different. But you sure wish it wasn't. You sure wish you could gloss over the little discrepancy, which is also the only discrepancy, which is also integral to everything.

I'm not sure what situations such as these call for. Patience? Tenacity? Discernment? I forgot that the awkward, disconcerting plots we read in books or watch in movies are modeled after something much more real and present called life. I forget, and I assume that life should feel comfortable and natural and never have situations that hang you on the edge of your seat and just let you dangle uncomfortably for a while. 

But here I am. Not patient. Frustrated. Confused. And awkwardly dangling. 

And while on the outside, I want someone to bail me out and fix the mess, on the inside I'm compelled to just wait here for a while and see what happens. Because, generally, life is more dynamic and exciting when we're dangling over the precipice of annihilation, looking uncomfortably backwards at the safety of the ground. Which might also be called a place of willful ignorance. 

And no matter the consequence, no matter the result, no matter the ends, no matter the disillusionment. I will choose reality over blissful ignorance any day.