I snuck into a special chapel held for athletes at school on Friday night. I had to sit through the athletes playing those awkward ice breaker games fashioned to make different teams interact instead of clumping in groups and judging each other. That way, they could judge each other after learning their names, or something like that. Or maybe bond, and then judge each other. Might be slightly cynical. I don't know, because apparently, I'm one of those engineering kids that can't socialize. That's literally what the player who got up and was giving the reason for an all athlete chapel said. "I know the athletes don't mix well with the rest of campus, especially the engineering kids that struggle to socialize at all". Coooooool.
That's not why i wrote this, but it's worth mentioning. When he coaches bratty high school children all day, I am sure I will look back and laugh. Karma buddy. Boom.
Kidding
Anyway, the speaker was the pastor of the church I attend here, and played basketball for our rival school, ETBU (he got booed. Ha!). His message was mainly his testimony, and speaking of how before he knew Jesus, his self worth and life value was defined by the girls he dated, the friends he had, his win loss column, and his game to game performance. I can relate to that, on a lot of levels, but that is for another time. To be honest, the semester leaves me so worn out and frustrated that I don't have much time to know myself anymore, and so thinking much on these things is a commodity I don't have time for.
It's a sad thing to be too busy for yourself.
He said one thing though, one thing that certainly stuck in my mind and keeps eating at me. He said, "You have to come to the realization that your worth doesn't depend on your performance, it depends on His".
It depends on His. Jesus. It depends on Jesus' performance. I've heard that. Heck, I've probably said that.
But I haven't heard it like I heard on Friday. And I wonder if I can even begin to understand what that means. And maybe what I wonder the most is how differently my life would look if the incessant search for worth and affirmation and approval stopped, and I judged myself by Jesus' performance instead.
:)
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