Opportunity

It often seems to me, that I spend an inordinate amount of time and energy and effort running into walls headfirst. I'm becoming a pro, I could give you the 5 steps to being the best out of your group of friends in no time. I could give pointers too, such as


Be controlling, worry a lot, don't "be" as much as "do", stress out, assert your will and your way over any and every thing that might be opposed, get angry, get frustrated, decide you can do things better yourself, sacrifice any and every thing for the goal, let your life become maniacally unbalanced, keep it dark so the whisper for affirmation and affection your heart speaks is into dark places with little light is easily ignored.


There are other helpful things I could tell you, but most of them start with seemingly harmless beginnings, like little sleep, or one small decision to compromise on a very small line. And that's always how these things seem to go. Shifting out of focus little by little, until  soon the entire view is blind. A perspective that is 99% truth is still 1% lie. A little leaven leavens the whole lump.

And it still leaves me a little bit dumbfounded, that after all of my effort and heartfelt trying and hoping and praying and yearning leave me empty handed because I gave up everything else trying to grab onto something that I find I don't want when I grab hold of it....that I'm facedown, defeated again, hope seeming distant because my efforts are just not good enough. How can your best not be good enough? How can you want something with all of your heart and honestly try and work and want...and nothing? What happens when you come to the end of yourself and are forced to own that you are just not enough?
 And in that state of empty handedness, Jesus walks in, and seems to say "Now, your hands are empty enough to try to grab hold of me". Then, when all you're holding onto as worth anything is a Savior who redeemed your life from hopelessness, and you've forgotten about your path, your goals, your dreams, your needs, it's as if waiting in the background all along, opportunity comes, and doors open, and walls that were knocking you down minutes before fall at your feet. And seriously, you begin to wonder if you really control any of your life at all, or if you were really just wasting your time trying to make yourself feel better about where you were and what you wanted.


I posted a while back, and I was wondering to what extent God works in our lives. And perhaps half of the answer is as much as you let Him.