Tell me who am I

Romans 14:8 is a funny kind of verse. Funny because it's gently packed between some verses that seem to be more up front these days, verses about judging fellow believers and differences on nuances in the faith. In fact, if I had not been praying about failing my musculoskeletal biomechanics test, I might have missed it. I stressed myself so much for the last test that I got sick for 3 days, so, you can probably tell, I kind've get uptight about tests. No big deal.

Ok not really. It's a really big deal. But that's not the point. My point is, I was praying and really just discussing with the Lord about the implications of such, my performance, and what would happen if I failed. And when I used the word fail, I realized that deep down, I was asking about failure on a much larger scale than simply my test. Performance is life to me. In fact, I was discussing performance with a friend the other day who also lives in a similar box. When I asked him if the fact that his entire life is based on performance in every area bothered him he said the words my heart has echoed over and over, yearning to be free from the very chain it desperately clings to. He said, "Bother me? I dunno...it's the way I function.".

Yep. I know. It's the way I function too, and I know no other way.

 As I was praying, the words "whether we live or die, we do thus unto God" floated through my head, which was strange because I was pretty sure I had never read a verse that said that. But you know how those things go. You've been in church so long that anything with a "thus" thrown in there is fair game. So I googled that phrase on the off chance it actually was a verse and hey, what do ya know, my memory isn't so bad after all. I read the words, and as I did, I came to a realization that I am still trying to understand and wrap my head around. How fitting this verse is found in a section titled "the law of Liberty"




 One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. ⁶ He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord;^[a] and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks. ⁷ For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. ⁸ For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. ⁹ For to this end Christ died and rose^[b] and lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living. 


For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself...whether we live or die, we are the Lord's. Do you hear that?


All that we do, good bad, screw-up or success, fail, achieve, win, lose. All earthly performance. All. It's done to God. For God. And we're judged by none of it. My life is defined by nothing even remotely related to any performance I will ever give, or any accolade I might attain. My life, is defined, is given value, has a purpose, because One man performed in a way I had no hope of ever coming close to. That's it. No questions asked. Now all I do, it is unto God. The performance that my hardest effort earns me, is unto God. If I try, and I come short, and the bottom falls out of my life and I become the lowest of low, I do it unto God. I fail unto God. And when I walk into His arms, He is going to greet me the same as He always has. And always will. Unconditionally loving me, with gentle hands, and eyes full of grace....




 And He's going to look at me, a sinner, now a child pardoned, and set free, defined by a sacrifice I never deserved, never earned. And He's going to see His Son. And He's going to see His Son's performance that began in a manger, climaxed on a cross, and ended with an empty grave. 




And with that performance defining me, He sets me free.